Wasting Daylight

I've never had 4 days (2 sets of two) be SO polar opposite before. It's kind of got me in a tailspin actually. 

You've heard, "you're wasting daylight!" before, right? If not, it's often used to not-so-plainly tell someone to get up and DO SOMETHING while the sun's still shining! Living in Iowa for the first 24 years of my life in a more rural area- I heard it a lot. Literally when farmers and the blue collar guys were working, or figuratively when I wasn't moving fast enough with a task... or I stopped and got distracted- usually that one. 

Well back to those 4 unusual days...

SET 1: Friday night to Sunday Night
We don't really "do" much.. not because we don't want to, but there's a lot of moving parts and it is EXCEPTIONALLY hard to coordinate. It's also a lot mentally. I'm not just preparing for what DOES happen with any of the kids or external factors, I'm preparing for what COULD happen with any of the kids or external factors. (There's that word "could" again...)

So we decided we were going to meet some friends at a Heart of Surfing event! These events are catered to kids/families like mine 🤎, creating safe spaces for them to do fun things without fear or judgement. It extends out to the families- the safe space I mean- and that in-and-of-itself is pretty special.

We fill out our waivers, get inside, say hello to friends and get situated. The event as planned was.... well we'll just say it was NOT a hit. I was optimistic though! "No more wastin' daylight!" We would come back again, fresh attitudes and fuller bellies and give it another go! We chatted, colored, ate snacks, it was nice. Just socializing in a place you felt "normal" for once was so needed for all of us. I didn't feel "normal" though. From the moment we walked in I'd felt a tight, sore, scratchy throat. I just chalked it up to "whatever had the kids finally got me." It was time to go anyway, and OF COURSE, we can't find our youngest. 🫠There's a pattern with this one. We don't ignore her, she's just got adult sized independence in a kid body. 😮‍💨😮‍💨God will use this for some SERIOUS GOOD as she ages....

Well we finally check the bathroom. I yell for her, hear her, and then see her open the stall to invite me in. It was a toilet and sink in a stall and dang did she feel like a QUEEN to have her own sink. (It really was the cutest thing, after my heart finally made it's way back inside my chest...) Along with my heart finding me, I smelled an all-too-familiar smell that I was FAR LESS excited for: artificial cinnamon. For those of you who don't know, I'm allergic. I don't get hives, but my glands, lymph nodes, tongue and throat swell shut- it's a real delight....😑

Well, we rush home, I'm in pain because the entry way was apparently freshly doused in said fragrance and it hit like a ton of thumbtacks to the throat upon our departure.

I got us home, my husband took over, and I took Benadryl. Saturday was absolutely Hell. I could not get out of bed. Dyer situations only. He came home from work to take care of the kids... it has been nearly 20 years since I had a reaction THIS BAD. Between Friday night around 7 pm, to Sunday morning, I was probably out of bed for approximately 4 hours? I was so stiff and sore just from sleeping, it was becoming painful to rest. Sunday was the day I had to ask for prayer because this  time was unlike the rest, and I was actually going to the Dr. I hate Dr. visits. I did a Teledoc thinking that would be enough... and according to him my symptoms were too bad I was supposed to go to the ER. 

Urgent care it is! I left once they got home from church since he had both sets of keys. They got me right in and found major swelling, high blood pressure and a fever. At least I knew I wasn't imagining things. I got steroids and another med prescribed and couldn't wait to get home. Aside from going to Urgent care, that was the only daylight I really saw those few days. 

SET 2: Sunday night to Tuesday night. 
God is so good!! By Sunday night I was already feeling the effects of the steroids, and BOY did I get a second wind. I'll spare you of the details, but I didn't go to bed until 4:30 AM.... I have to wake up no later than 6:30 Monday morning....😵

I was packing lunches, doing laundry I'd been backed up with, dishes, changing sheets... IN THAT TIME of "quiet", all 3 of my kids had a need after waking up from a deep sleep. Got them all taken care of and back to bed... I was still awake so I hopped in the shower. 2 hours later, Monday morning. Mondays are LONG because of when our day stats, 3.5 hours of car rides for pickup/drop off, homework, and then Bible study until about 9:30-- because I love to gab. John wasn't feeling well so I ran to Walgreens for him. Already super tired, I got a JOLT when an oncoming car swerved into my lane and almost hit me head on. Let's all take a moment to thank GOD for pulling that SUV out of my lane because that was too close for comfort. Get to Walgreens, head home. A lone biker, dressed in black (the obvious color choice for nighttime bike riding on poorly lit side streets) was crossing the dankly lit street with no reflective wear or lights on him. Thank goodness I saw HIM, because he swerved to cross the street right in front of me. I don't know how he didn't sense my head lights showing him where to go- but I ALMOST hit him. Again- too close for comfort. 

I got home, with shaking hands got my husband his meds, and what do ya know? I'm wide awake... again. I like to get 8-9 hours of sleep. It rarely happens because we watch our shows and then time slips away... but I try. Tonight, so very sleep deprived I was on track for another 2 hour night. 

*Morgan Freeman narrator voice* She in fact did not get to sleep, nor did she get even close to 8 hours. She actually cut her previous night- 2- in half. 

Yes. By the time I got my heart rate to come down by focusing on a new set of nails, it was 4. And like the night before, all of my kids had come down expressing a need only their mommy could fill. I was up, so that was nice not being "woken up" from the sleep I really needed. I hit pause, came back to my thing. Well, at 5:06 am I hopped out of the shower to finally get some sleep before waking up at 6:40. I remember looking at my clock at 5:36, and falling asleep. 6:36 I'm being woken up, so I hurry to get ready, and at least I'm headed to a lash appointment where I can sleep! Nope. a friend does it... so I slept maybe an hour before being booked for the following 8 hours. I loved the lash appt., had an absolutely BLESSED day at work, got home, and did all 3 bedtimes, and some other stuff. 

Sorry for that literal play by play, but you really did need it for what comes now.

I can't sustain life (or basic brain function if you watched my live video...) on 1 or 2 hours of sleep. But God, in His most Awesome and wonderful ways, revealed to me YET AGAIN, more of Himself so I can begin to heal and trust Him more. 

Getting 8+ hours of sleep, or just quiet time in bed, was SUCH a waste of daylight. I thought that the sleep was needed to be productive in daylight. False. Getting that quiet time with God, like it set 2, I listened to the Bible for FOUR hours straight as I did my stuff around the house.  I had CORE-MEMORY-LEVEL-GOOD "midnight moments" with my kids... I was SO present and aware of their love...and we PRAYED. 

God showed me that it didn't have to be "daylight" for me to stop wasting it by having this happen in the wee evening hours... I saw that any moment I'm up and He's with me, I'm in that ETERNAL Light; and I couldn't waste a single. moment. more.

I had a choice to make the most of the "daylight" I was in, or- not. 

My perspective changed radically in those moments when I allowed the Light of the world to influence my actions and choices, my responses instead of reactions. I felt more than just my nervous system calm down.. and I think a few small wounds began to heal for a few of us. 

Friend, what daylight are you wasting? I thought sleep was a good thing. It is- when it's not used to avoid things that need facing. I thought cleaning was a necessity for a home owner, and it is- when it's not used to avoid things that make me uncomfortable. 

I'm so fortunate to be a follower of Jesus, and be one of many whom He died on the cross for. I try very hard not to take that for granted. But I do sometimes. And for now I have these fresh reminders to cling to, but when I stumble again, He'll be right there, shining His light ever-so-brightly; presenting me with even more opportunities to grow in Him. 

YOU are the 1 He left the 99 for. What will you do with your daylight?