Night to Shine

Months ago, I was informed our church would be hosting Night to Shine through the Tim Tebow Foundation.  

I was so excited. This ministry is so beautiful and moving, but it also sees a population I am a part of: special needs families.

Shortly after hearing about this amazing opportunity for our church, I was asked to serve. OBVIOUS YES! Then, she asked me to share to the parents.

I had 30 minutes worth of dialogue in my head  that was actually probably only 10 real seconds, on why I wasn't the one for the job...but it wasn't about me. She thought I could encourage others, and I trust her. So I said yes. 

Here's the speech I shared with the amazing parents of the guests at Night to Shine. It may not be something you relate to- as this was written FOR Special Needs parents FROM a Special Needs parent. I do think, there's a message to glean for all of us, and I hope God speaks to your heart today! 

Good evening everyone! I hope you are enjoying your time + your honored guest is having the time of their life; exactly how it looks for them: whether they are dancing, rocking out in the karaoke room, or quietly observing from the walI. I hope this is what they need it to me.

I know this is a very special night that you all look forward to, and for some of you, you’ve probably been preparing as long as we have. Before I start though, let me introduce myself. I'm Emily, I attend this church, and had the privilege of overseeing the hair and makeup room. I'm a Salon owner, Iowa native, Jersey transplant, wife, mother, friend, all the things. Salon owner is probably why I got the gig in that room which was AMAZING by the way. To use the gifts God gave me, through the Salon Ministry HE provided for me, at an event like this?? I don’t have the words…I’m going to open us in prayer before I get started.

 When I said earlier, "some of you might have been preparing as long as we have to get here tonight", it's because I get it, and I see you. Tonight you meet “Emily the speaker”, but in a few years, I’ll be “Emily the parent of an honored guest”. Our son got a level 3 autism diagnosis a little late due to covid, but we knew that was the diagnosis well before we got the official one.

So, when events like these come up, I see a lot more preparation than "picking an outfit", “buying a gift” and “saving the date”. SO, I just REALLY want to say thank you for all that you do behind the scenes: emotionally, mentally, physically and Spiritually to actually get here. I see you friend. Not that you need that, but you aren’t alone.

There are hurts that can take place in those behind-the-scenes moments that can leave you feeling like you got a punch to the gut- but yet there you are, enduring all of it with a smile- if not on your face on your heart- because you love your kids. It's because of that love you have for your child that makes sitting here, in rooms like these, extra special.

I listed off all sorts of labels attached to me when I was introducing myself: mom, wife, salon owner, I attend church here, Iowa, NJ. Special needs mom… those labels are fine for tonight. They serve their purpose. If we did an ice breaker, you would all probably have comparable labels on your list.

But is that really who we are? I mean yes, but also no. Those are more accurate, specific adjectives that describe things about me, and what my interests are- but is that ME? The core of me?Especially as a parent of a child who’s needs are a little- or a lot- more complex than those of other children, THAT label can be pretty consuming. 

You don’t have to raise your hand or anything, but can you think of a time when THAT label, was ALL you identified with?

I can. Usually in the thick of IEP stuff, which we have next week. Or when we aren’t doing things other 8.5 year old boys are doing. Or that we have to have accommodations simply ENTERING my church building… which means I miss out on the fellowship my family and I crave. BUT- we got to come to church… and anything for my boy... right?

But what about my girls? They miss running around with friends like “everyone else gets to”- based on the mood our son is in.They can’t attend many things with BOTH parents, because someone usually has to sit with him. <insert mom or dad guilt> Then I really seem to lose who I am.

NOW- Please don’t hear what I'm not saying: I'm not up here complaining about my son or my life, I'm not even venting… these are just our realities for our family, and maybe even yours.

But when that guilt or shame kick in, it’s a slippery slope. If I bite the bait the enemy is putting out there? ohhhh does he have me hook, line and sinker. There’s a good chance that pity party is going to an all weekend rager. It's only when I remember where my identity truly lies, that I can stop fighting that battle under the water- which is enemy territory - and finally make my way up to the surface. The surface where The Hand has just broken that water, and is waiting to pull me out on to dry land to console and comfort me.

Even before I came to know the Lord I had heard the expression “my identity is in Christ alone” a fair amount. I heard it even more after He met me in my darkest moments and came into my heart. I’ll admit, I’m a pretty smart person, but that expression NEVER made sense to me..

Like what, your ID switches to “Jesus”? Or if someone asks about you, that’s all you say?? “Hi I'm _____ and I follow Jesus” then I just stare as if there are no other interesting things about me? Now I may not be the world's most interesting woman, but I’m by far not the most boring, either….

There was a time shortly after opening that my salon was going through some staffing issues, and because I had taken the enemy’s bait, I was spiraling. I had a lot of people encouraging me.. a LOT. But that spiral continued. Think F5 hurricane between my ears. It wasn’t until a friend in the faith told me something along the lines of “Emily. Stop. It doesn’t matter what happens with the salon. God will be there to pick up the pieces either way. Your identity isn’t in that salon, it’s in Jesus.”

The lights came on! I got it! I finally understood what that meant- my identity was in Jesus. The salon doesn’t define me, so if it's going well or not- I’m still the daughter of the King. Maybe it was because my brain was firing on all cylinders; connecting dots that had previously seemed like a trillion piece jigsaw puzzle scattered in my head. Or maybe… when that “light” that came on, it was God meeting me exactly where I was at, exactly when He needed it to be, to show me that He’s got me. That NO circumstance or situation this side of Heaven changes that.

He used that incident with the salon to prepare me for other events down the road we’d encounter with our son. Events that would have me questioning who I was, when He needed me to remember Whose I was.

The hurricane in my head subsided, and a rainbow-filled, clear sky emerged. The peace I had then, would be the peace I would again have every time I rooted myself in Christ and didn’t allow a situation, circumtace, or diagnosis to define me.

I don’t need to tell any of you about challenges in life. You’ve probably experienced more than most.. but I would ask, when in the midst of those trials, do you have peace that makes NO SENSE? Or do you find yourself spiraling, thrashing underwater on enemy ground, like I was?

That peace is impossible, when done in your own strength. I have some authority here, because not only am I a believer and follower of Jesus, I also happen to be one stubborn, controlling, type-A mama. So I know, from all the times I’ve tried, that when I take control and attempt to force peace in my life, it just doesn't happen. It’s only when God’s in control that we can experience these struggles- trials, seasons or chapters, whatever you call them- and have PEACE.

In the New Testament, Philippeans 4:6-7 provides a lot of hope for the believer of Jesus.

Don’t worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.*Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

I can tell you with certainty, that that peace Christ provides definitely exceeds our understanding- makes no sense- because any other time I would experience struggles things like that, I’d go mad. But once I figured out where my Identity was and took those actions, I could be knee-deep in those situations, and I’m… ok. I’m ok! I’m still frustrated or scared, or unsure of outcomes- but I have God’s peace, and I’m ok. That’s a far cry from spiraling.

In verse 7 it tells us “THEN you will experience God’s peace”, which means we can’t get it until an action on our part has taken place. The actions: don’t worry, pray about it all, Tell God what we need, and thank Him for what He’s done.

Don’t worry? HA! Easier said than done, but when you surrender that “thing”- or that person -over to Him, life will still happen- YOU just have peace now.

Pray about it? You may feel or sound like a broken record, but after you’re done, lay it down, and don’t pick it back up. Let God take care of it.

 The latter actions are a little easier! It's almost a knee jerk reaction to tell God what I need. 

Just don’t forget to thank God for EVERYTHING… even the hard stuff that refines us.

Parents of our honored guests, I wish I had the time to speak directly to each of you, and remind you of the ONE LABEL that we all can possess. Since I don’t have that time, I used a broad, and general label that encompasses us all. But as we wrap up our time together, I’d like to ask you a few questions for you to carry with you as you go forth from tonight:

• Do you have that peace? The real peace, not temporary respite or comforts. The peace God wants you to have? The one and ONLY peace that will sustain you? Do you have it?
• Do you know who you really are? Outside the “labels”? If not, a great place to start is figuring out and knowing WHOSE you are. If you identify as one thing, and it ceases to be- then what? God is the same yesterday, today and forever. If you’re rooted in Him, your ID is in HIM, everything else falls into place.

Thank you again for making this happen for your loved one to come tonight. Without you and your tireless efforts, this would just be a beautifully decorated, empty building. Thanks for letting us serve you, love you, and pray over you. If there’s anyone out here tonight, who is lacking that peace, or needs prayer, or hope, or encouragement, please find me, or one of the volunteers, so we can be for you, what you so often are to your loved ones; the hands and feet of Jesus. 

I’ll leave you with this: when we think of how great our love for our kids is, just imagine how great the love God has for US. Jesus knows exactly who’s door He’s knocking at, he’s just waiting for you to open it, let Him in, and accept His gift of peace. Thank you

This speech was given by Emily at Night to Shine 2/14/26 in Mays Landing, NJ.