narrow road

When we finally decided on how we were getting us back to Iowa, we knew we were driving, but when & how can be the difference between a great or awful trip.

I stayed awake the entire night BEFORE we left. My friend came over the next morning so I could sleep that day & be fresh to do some overnight driving. Well, I stayed up longer than planned, so naturally I slept a little longer than I wanted. 

Oops.

When my husband got home, we still had some packing to do because I slept more, but when we got packed, we headed to Red  Robin for a meal we knew we'd all eat, then hit the road. My husband did start the drive since I was a bit groggy and it was still in his range of "being awake hours".

I did the night driving and into the morning, and then he did the last bit to get us home. 

Our first day was pretty chill, and we liked where we were staying. I was nervous how I'd sleep in a different bed. Actually, I was nervous how my KIDS would sleep somewhere totally new, so I was nervous I wouldn't sleep because they wouldn't. 

I was pleasantly surprised to see everyone slept well! Que my first night's sleep in Iowa after driving/napping in a car for 18 hours!

It wasn't sweet dreams like I hoped... I had a nightmare about driving. I was on narrow, two-lane highway; pretty standard back home. But this time, it wasn't such an easy drive. The highway was super busy and bumpy- which is saying something because I'm used to Jersey potholes!! I knew there were people in the car with me because I could sense the feeling of responsibility to keep them safe. As I was driving, I kept losing visibility. Not due to fog, or rain or snow, almost like I was blacking out, or falling asleep? But my eyes weren't closing! They were WIDE OPEN, and I couldn't see what was coming. Rather than stopping on this windy, bumpy road, I kept going even though I couldn't see. Cars were coming, winding deep curves were relentless. Oh, did I mention all of this was on the edge of a cliff? (It really mimicked the landscape in Iowa!) Like I said- I didn't stop. I kept going, knowing that as I continued I was not. in. control. of. anything.

Everything went dark; the car was still moving. I just... surrendered. I woke up in a sweat. Actually, I had woken up a few times, and slipped right back into the same dream, in the same spot. 

I couldn't figure it out... this wasn't the kind of dream you forgot after waking..

I went out to the balcony for some coffee. As I was crying out there, audibly talking with God, I humbled myself and tried to look at this with the POV that I'm a mess and God's got a lot to teach and show me. Here's where I landed:

Life before following Jesus was like driving down the GSP (Garden State Parkway): a few lanes, long exit lanes, minimal road damage. Once you start following Him, it becomes a little more like the highway in my dream: less room, more obstacles, less visibility.

Less visibility.

That! It's not that we can't lose visibility when we aren't following Jesus, but when we lose it as a believer- God has provided an opportunity to trust Him.

In the dream, I had panic and uneasiness as my vision was escaping me and the road became a mystery. But as it continued to happen- for longer bouts of time- the panic was lessened and fear of not seeing the road dissipated. (It only kicked in when I was waking up in real life.)

I began to drive by faith, not by sight. These verses came to mind.

Each time I "lost vision" it wasn't that it was "less scary", but I had already experienced it- so I was able to gain a little more trust in God to get me through. 

Ain't that life? Or how He designed it to be?

God allows so many experiences for us- good and bad- not just for us to really enjoy our lives this side of Heaven, or to learn valuable lessons- but to always find our way back to Him!

Each experience gives us the evidence we need to look back, see how God got us through, and trust that He'll get us through again.

If you don't believe in God, He loves you and wants you to know Him, and find your way back to Him. If you've walked away, He didn't. He's eager to reconnect. If you're a believer- maybe you struggle with the whole "walking by faith" part. Even after this dream/revelation I struggle, know this- I struggle less. 

Next time I have a hard IEP meeting, I'll remember how God was my eyes when I walked in faith. Next time I have conflicts with a loved one, I'll remember how God not only got me through, but restored relationships as well. 

Each instance we walk by faith builds on what God gives us to "go off of" when the next one hits. It's up to us to recall it, and TRUST though; it isn't going to be God just making it easier as we go. It's like my last post, "called", God moves on His time- He's just waiting for us to trust and obey, and step out or walk by faith- not sight.

YOU are the 1 He left the 99 for. Close your eyes and see how different it is to let God lead. Your calling awaits.