(m)emotion

how I make emotions about me, and need to quickly shift back to being rooted in Christ and not let emotions lead me. 

If you've been reading The One Society blog for a while, you've been following me as I documented a pretty turbulent time of my life. The enemy was coming after my child- and then me- pretty hard. That's just the "main events"! There were so many more subtle attacks happening at those times, but they were so overshadowed, it was easy to miss. 

I have big feelings. I always have. It's been brought to my attention since I was little. So as I got older, I learned I "fit in" better when those feelings weren't so big. After getting saved, and really seeing what TRUE community looks like at my current church, God showed me it was ok to feel things. So, I started feeling! 

When I go to church, or a study, I'm very aware of people. I want to introduce myself to people I don't know yet- or well- because I'm a social person and it's so beautiful to get to know my fellow brothers and sisters in Christ! On the flip side, I also am very unaware of people. I'm really only there for God and listening to what He wants me to hear, the people are perks. Usually there's something for me to work on: forgiving, being forgiven, accepting, releasing, growth, humility... the list goes on. 

Lately though, I seem to have been too emotional. I knew I was really "goin' through it", but man... this bad?

On one particular Sunday, though, I got out of my way long enough to see God showing me that I wasn't having just any old emotions, I had a bad, bad case of "me-motions". Emotions totally centered around me, me, me.

yuck.

Seriously, yuck. I had gone from being emotional because of what God and the Spirit were doing in/around me, to being completely wrapped up in myself, making everything about me. 

It wasn't the first time I've done that, and it won't be the last; but this time felt different. I knew better! That's not how a mature Christian was supposed to act! Then I started down the spiraling path of doubting if I was even a mature Christian! Or worse, a Christian at all?! I know my salvation is secure. Not in an arrogant way, I just know. So why would God have me doubting my salvation!?? He wouldn't.  In the spiral that was so consuming, and oh-so-loud, it became crystal clear. All of "this"- whatever it was- wasn't from God. It was sent by the enemy to keep me distracted, isolated, and thinking it was something I could take care of on my own. 

The enemy used the strength I have- feeling things SO VERY DEEPLY- against me. I made those emotions about, and revolve around me. Once I figured that out, things made a lot more sense. Hindsight is 20/20... so where do I go from here?

 I knew where I wanted and needed to go, but there was this sense of "stuckness" I had. I didn't want to be stuck in that sin of making things all about me.... especially when I figured out that that is what I was doing. But on the same token, something about changing my thinking and behavior felt unnatural. 

That was my cue to make the change; no matter HOW unnatural it felt. Growth doesn't usually feel natural, so, that's what I had to do.  

I've been praying for some time now that I really want MORE of Him, and less of me. And here was my shot to surrender those parts- those super fleshy, worldly parts- over to Him and let Him make something new of me. 

"Death, where is your sting?"

I'll tell you where it is. It's right here, coursing through my flesh- my body- as I *try to* let go of all the things it wants to cling to. The things keeping me farther from God. As I'm asking God for more of Him and less of me, I start to remember that in asking that, action is required. 

After a whole lot of self reflection, prayer, and action on my part, I'm seeing it. Proverbs 29:11- A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back. 

It isn't that I have to be forever stoic, and become emotionless. Quite the contrary. God wants me to feel, and feel deeply. However...

To spew feelings- emotions of the flesh- without FIRST taking them to God is just foolish. What can a person do that God can't? I don't have the time to wait for that answer, so I'll just tell you. It's nothing. God can do everything and then some that a friend or passer-by can do. 

So, what am I doing? What are we doing by allowing our emotions to take the spotlight of our lives? If I were to make a list of all the things I was believing because of my (m)emotions, it would probably take a ream of paper, and likely all of it wouldn't be positive. 

So I ask you the question I'm asking myself: Is the LORD the Lord of your life? Or has something else taken the throne? Hopefully not, because I wouldn't wish that on my enemy. But if something else has crept in, it's not too late to ask God to help you fix it. 

To get more of Him and less of me, I know serious sacrifices have to be made. Am I willing to do that? I say yes quickly, but am I? Jesus died on the cross for me to have the freedom from this bondage... can I give up temporary pleasures for something that brings generational freedom??

I want to pray for you, specifically. Not her, you. I pray that the Gospel is the only stumbling block you encounter. I pray that you're so focused on Jesus, you forget what you even look like. I pray that gratitude consumes you, and you shine so brightly for Jesus people have no choice but to follow His Light. 

You are the 1 He left the 99 for. Praise God Jesus didn't lead by following His emotions.