firsts & lasts
We had traveled a LOT in our life together, mainly in the form of cross-country moves prior to kids. So when we finally did one WITH kids, we told my family we were staying put, and they'd have to come to us. Not because we didn't want to see them; we really did!! It was just a LOT on the kids... and therefore us. They were all so understanding: one aunt brought painted rocks, my uncle brought his golf cart down to give us a ride around town.. my Godmother and I had a great visit.
One thing I wasn't able to do was attend church. We opted for watching our service back home online since the ONE Bible based church in the area couldn't accommodate our needs to attend as a family. It wasn't the same, but it was special.
My old friend from high school (who also had a radical transformation, thank you Jesus!!) and his wife invited us to a "praise in the park" in a neighboring town. We needed worship and fellowship so we made the drive.
IT. WAS. POURING.
The entire drive felt like we should just turn around and go home. I went anyway.
We parked, made our way over, and after a few minutes, God cleared up everything. It was afternoon/evening, but the skies opened up. There was games and crafts for the kids, and later, the live worship started.
It was cool to see another old friend leading worship!!
We set up our chairs early, so it was fun waiting to see who God wanted us to sit by.
John was with our son while I chased after the girls.
When I got to him, he had met Mr. Tom and introduced us. He was from around where my husband grew up in New York, but here he was in this small Iowa town. He was a music teacher for a district near me, and knew one of John's friends from the college track and field team! Small world! (Really, God is just extremely intentional)
As I was sitting next to him, I got a little nervous to belt out worship next to a tuned ear. I normally wouldn't care, but I had been grieving quite a bit during this trip, about this trip. Due to some past trauma, we decided to make this the last time I'd be back- aside from emergencies. While I had a lot of peace about that decision, it was also hard.
Both things were very, very true.
I knew that while worshipping I'd probably cry, and Mr. Tom was so sweet... so he might ask if I was ok... and I wasn't about to say I was when I wasn't... did he know what he was getting into by asking me that?? Well we had a few minutes before all the kids were wrangled and the band got everything working. So naturally, I just started chatting with Mr. Tom.
He had two chairs set up, so I just assumed he was waiting on a friend to join him. We talked about music, God, New York, Iowa, all the things. Then worship started.
I was shy at first but quickly snapped out of it. God is SO GOOD, who am I to withhold my praise to Him for fear of man??
When we were all finished, I asked him where his friend was- since the chair remained empty. He smiled sweetly, and told me that his wife passed in December, and this was one of the "firsts without her". All the things he had done with for so many decades, all of a sudden he was experiencing alone.
I couldn't relate to that, as my young family was all sitting with me, alive and well. But while Mr. Tom- well up in his years- was experiencing a multitude of "firsts". While I- not quite as up there- experiencing a multitude of "lasts".
We did not find each other by mistake.
I saw the tears well up in his eyes, so naturally, I asked if we could pray for him. He said yes, we prayed, and God showed up so big in those moments.
I haven't talked to him again, but God placed us together in those exact moments to teach me (and hopefully Mr. Tom) something about God...
Both of us were grieving in our own ways, and yet God presented such joy and beauty in those moments of fellowship and worship. I was reminded quite literally of God's promises; as we just witnessed rains stop, and a "rainbow" come out. There may be pain in the night, but joy comes in the morning...
Our lives are full of firsts and lasts. Firsts don't always come when we're "young", and lasts don't always come when we're "old". The older generations are prayerfully wiser, but wisdom can be found among the youth as well.
As we are living out our lives this side of Heaven, the number of firsts and lasts will probably be innumerable for most of us. Some will stand out more than others, but there's one first and one last that should always be at the forefront of our minds:
The Alpha and Omega.
When we are totally (or as much as we can be) fixated on God, nothing else can get in the way the Promises He has for us.
I don't do that perfectly- not even very well- but this experience under my belt, I can remember what it felt like to go from grieving and looking to myself, to grieving and looking to Him.
How often do we look to ourselves to "fix" a grievous situation? How often do we think we have the power to "fix" it? More than I'd care to admit if I'm being honest...
Those situations could be trials from God- challenging our faith to grow exponentially. Trials could also be consequences to our choices...(aka exercising free will poorly as I like to say😂). Either way, God is the first and last, and THAT is where we should always be looking.
It is borderline criminal how easy it is to know this, yet look to so many other things instead of God, who actually can help us.
YOU are the 1 He left the 99 for. He never stopped looking at you. What is it- or rather Who- are you looking to?